Push
by kimmiesjoy
Summary: Based on a promo clip for Pandora! The rest is just my imagination.


Promos and spoilers cause havoc within my crazy mind! Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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><p>Kate drags the back of her burning hot hand across her forehead, wiping the sweat out of her eyes. She pulls back a little to look down at him, spread flat beneath her on the floor.<p>

Leaning forward before has caused a cascade of her perfect, but now finger tussled, hair to fall and block her vision. Her left hand swoops around her neck, fingers clutching at as much of her loose hair as possible before she drags the locks back and across her left shoulder.

She wets her lips, feeling the tips of her fingers settle across his face, ghosting over his cheek to fall under his jaw, to feel his pulse, knows her own heart is pounding in her chest.

There is a crash, bang, boom repeatedly against her rib cage, harsh painful beats of the unpredictable muscle in her chest and the world is drowned out by the rushing of blood in her ears. Her usually wide open, searching, evidence gathering eyes narrow, Kate has tunnel vision and all she sees is him.

She falls forward again, her fingers at the edge of his silk, no not silk, maybe cotton, shirt, soft almost delicate under her touch. It ripples like small silent waves below a fraught sea of anticipation, her short nails finding the seams that lead to button holes, there is no more time for slow, no agonising lead in, she interlinks her fingers, slipping in between each shiny white button, gathering the material between her clenched fists before she pulls.

The taut muscles in her arms offer just enough strength, just enough leverage to rip his maroon shirt wide exposing his chest, covered in a sheen of perspiration which catches at her skin, but her concentration, for the moment, is on his shirt and the fact that its only half way open so she tugs again, harder, faster, sending a cascade of tiny pearlised buttons tip-tapping across the floor.

Releasing the material she pushes it back from his body roughly, the need is urgent within her now, building up, tense, tight and coiled like a spring.

It has to be now, has to happen now, she cant wait any longer.

His hands remain, fisted, impassive at his side where she placed them, her grip firm to his wrists as she pressed and pushed him into the position she wanted him in, before rising above, and lowering herself down.

She moves along his body, her hands poised to steady her weight, lifting her as she straddles him.

She sits across his belted waist, the harsh metal pressing through the dark denim at her hips, it's uncomfortable but it's also perfect, it's the perfect position for what she needs, what he needs.

Kate lifts, her entire body's weight straining through the bones of her knees and she is above him again, her hands falling to the muscle of his abdomen, muscle she has never seen before, never touched, her hands skim everything underneath her in one sweeping movement before they settle across his chest.

She can feel him, watch him from here, but the time is rushing past so quickly and it _has_ to be now.

She had to move from where she was placed before, she couldn't get leverage, had no force behind her movements no conviction, and the only way to get strength behind her actions was sit across him, remove his shirt, steady herself, place her hands in just the right position and…push.

Because it's the second round of CPR and he has no pulse and he's not breathing and she cant…no, she wont think about that, because its Castle and if she thinks he is laid out beneath her not breathing she just might crumble.

"Crumbling is not an option here Katherine Beckett," she growls to herself as she starts in on the chest compressions again, and a tiny glimmer of an idea suddenly rushes through her foggy mind, she cant grab at it because she's focused and she's counting but it takes root anyway. "You hear that Castle? You got me talking to myself."

Her fingers are interlinked, the heel of her left hand flat against his breast bone, the very centre of his chest, over his heart, his warm and glorious and tender heart, with it's not so secret love for her and its damned missing beats. Her right hand rests over her left, fingers pushed through the gaps between her knuckles, locked and tight, prepared for her two handed assault on his chest.

"You are not allowed to die do you hear me." Her voice is leaving her in ragged gasps, clipped tones and breaths she has no control over, words tumble free of their own accord because all her concentration is focused on his stubborn heart, the obstinate lungs that refuse to inhale and flood his body with life giving oxygen.

"Breathe dammit."

Thirty compressions and she has just reached fifteen, thirty and then two deep breaths to fill his lungs, but it's the second round and he was under the water for how long five minutes? Ten? A year?

It felt like a lifetime before she dragged him free of that car, how long was it?

NO, NO, NO her mind screams, no maths now, don't add minutes and time frames whilst you waste seconds, bring him back.

"You will _not_ die before I say it back Castle," she barks, it's an order, through the ether of whatever filmy existence separates them at this moment in time, a command, a shut-up-and-take-note-and-do-as-you're-told that he has never ever listened to before, but she cant _not_ try.

"All I wanted was time you stupid man, a little bit, just to…fix myself so I could love you properly, because I do and I will tell you, so don't you _dare_ die. "

She presses harder, forcing the muscle, through bone and cartilage and blood and cells, forcing it to respond, to squeeze life into him again. There might have been a crack, she thinks it was her knuckle, hopes it was her own bones she's breaking and she will gladly sever every digit if he would just…

"I will kick your ass if you die on me Richard Castle, you know I will." She presses again making it twenty-seven, twenty-seven compressions on round two of the CPR and she can't remember how long he's been down and she still cant hear sirens.

Where was everybody?

She called in her location like she was supposed to and someone should have been here by now.

And that's thirty, thirty compressions for round two and she flings herself off of his hips and lands hard next to him on the wet concrete.

She takes a breath unaware how much her lungs ache for it, she's denying herself that which she needs from him, breath, air, and she realises how stupid that is before sucking in another deep lungful.

"I'm coming for you Castle" she barks again "get your ass back here."

She tilts his head back, her fingers, two fingers she remembers, under his chin to press backwards, opening his airway, the fingers of her other hand pinch hard at his nose before she finally lowers herself over him creating an unbreakable seal with her mouth over his.

She blows forcefully, a deep lungful of air she gives him gladly, her eyes flicking to make sure his chest actually rises…it does.

She counts to make sure she gives him enough.

One Mississippi.

Two.

She lifts away, her hands still holding his jaw firmly in place as she takes a breath for herself, she needs it before she sees stars, she cant pass out from not breathing herself because he will d…

The next breath she takes is all for him.

This is the one she thinks, please god! This is the breath.

Kate leans forward, creates the seal again, lip to soft lip in a mockery of what should be their kiss because she told him she loves him and lip to lip should mean more than 'please don't die' it should mean 'I'm yours'.

She closes her eyes, then remembers to watch his chest as the air blasts past her lips, over tongue and into him, she forces it as deep as she can, feels her skin catch at his teeth as she holds them tight together and his lungs expand again.

One Mississippi.

His chest rises.

Two.

She sits back again and looks down.

"I LOVE you, you stubborn fool, BREATHE!"

She's not exactly sure what happens next, his chest moves, it does, Kate is positive it does but what if it's her imagination…

She stares poised to climb over him again for round three, but there is a noise…

Not a gasp.

Not a groan.

A breath…

And this time she knows his chest moves, because not only does she see it, she feels it. Her hand across his sternum as it lifts, finally, of its own free will, her fingers at the pulse in his jaw.

Then comes the gasp she was expecting, loud dramatic, so very...Castle.

Two of them, three, four, she counts to fifty until she's convinced it isn't all in her head and he is actually steadily breathing, but her hand wont leave the pulse in his neck and her fingers refuse to be swayed away from his heart.

She closes her eyes and listens to the life of her partner beat and flow around her.

When she opens her eyes again a few seconds later he looks confused and he struggles against her feeble protests, he wants to sit up but he's weak, so Kate makes him wait, moves swiftly behind him and pulls. She fits him against her, his broad back into her chest, holding him up.

He lets out a long, painful sounding sigh, and it's a choir of angels to her ears, it's seraphim in exaltation, raw and heated and perfect, the simple and hot exhale of his alive and breathing body.

A silent sob leaves her, relief and hope and fear all mingle together in her chest and they have to escape and break free. It sets loose a chain reaction and another burst of agonised joy wracks her and forces her to shudder against him.

Kate realises she must have made a noise, given herself away because he tries to turn, always the need to comfort her and she cant let him…no she _wont_ have it because he nearly died, but he didn't and she loves him, and of the two of them if anyone is receiving comfort in this situation it _will _be him.

She needs to be his strength, just...somehow, now, she will be the iron backbone that spurs the other on and she will hold him in her arms and let his world settle back to normality as he comprehends the truth of what she did.

"What happened?" he finally croaks.

His voice, beautiful and melodic and alive…

Alive alive alive…

She laughs, just once, a bark of near hysteria that she drags inside quickly.

She takes a shuddery breath, steadies herself, begs her vocal cords to go along with her train of thought, she needs to sound strong more than anything else.

"You nearly drowned."

The statement floats between them, her voice a credit to the lie that she's fine and she breathes heavily with relief.

"My chest hurts," his palm drops to the very centre of his breastbone where she pounded to get his heart beating.

"I'm not saying I'm sorry for that," she states as her hand moves over his, she pushes roughly against his fingers needing to feel the thud herself, his beat of life the only reassurance that will soothe her.

"I think you might have broken a rib," he says softly, his hand falling over hers, trapping it to his chest.

"Better a broken rib than a de…" she cant, even though he's talking and ok, she refuses to say the word.

He's alive.

Castle is alive, he's hers and he is breathing and alive and…

"You _yelled_ at me while I was _unconscious_ Beckett" he moans, whinges even, his tone so dramatically randomly normal.

She laughs at the pathetic sounding, wonderfully alive Castle tone of his…wait...what?

"You...you could hear me?"

It's not possible.

He nods.

"Your voice, damn Beckett I think I've gone deaf in one ear." he rubs at it mockingly and she can tell, even from behind him, she can tell he's grinning now.

Near death one minute and now grinning.

Stupidly, quickly recovering, gloriously alive, pain in the ass of a man.

"What do…do you remember what I said?"

"Hey Beckett?" he says quietly, and she leans closer, worried, maybe the stress of the ordeal is finally washing over him, pulling him under.

She leans closer still, her head falling into the groove of his neck so he wont have to talk too loudly "Yes, I'm here Castle, what?"

He turns, giving her his trade mark devilish grin, his cheek raising and skimming hers as he whispers "I remember everything."

**The end.**

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><p>Clearly, I am not a medical professional and all the CPR was googled and stolen from fragments of memories of medical shows past, so dont take it as gospel because I'm sure I got something wrong, it was for effect only ;)<p> 


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